Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
