New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
