Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
