I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
