Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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