i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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