I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
