Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
