I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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