its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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