I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
