i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Are we in a gay sports bar?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
