Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
