Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
