Buhtt sex?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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