I think my vagina is haunted
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
