Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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