i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
