it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As shirtless as possible
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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