I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
