Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
