I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
