So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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