i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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