I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
