you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i will never coherently bang her
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
