Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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