I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
