PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
