You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
