she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
