you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
