So drunk its hurt
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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