how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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