she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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