Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
