I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
