You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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