is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
