she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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