I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Welp...herpes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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