The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
