What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
