i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
