i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
