just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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