You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
