I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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