Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
