bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
