You work out of a Hotel?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
